Drew Barrymore Fears ‘Getting Locked Up Again’ After Past Struggles

Drew Barrymore admits her troubled past continues to haunt her to this day. The actress and television personality admits revealed in a new interview that she always thinks someone is "after" her.

Reflecting on her time in rehab, Barrymore, 48, told the Los Angeles Times, "I will always have the ‘They’re coming, they’re coming’ mentality. It’s the one thing that, unfortunately, I can’t shake. I’m pretty sure that this will all go away at any moment, I will get locked up again. I will lose my job."

Drew's father, John Drew Barrymore, physically abused his wife (including kicking her in the stomach when she was pregnant) and Drew. Primarily raised by her struggling mother, Ildiko Jaid Barrymore, Drew often felt abandoned when left with babysitters. That contributed to a toxic mother-and-daughter dynamic.

When she was only 13 years old, Barrymore was sent to rehab. She exited the facility two months, later against medical advice. Once she was out, the actress stole her mother's credit card and went on a cocaine binge. Eventually, private agents hired by her mother handcuffed Barrymore and returned her to the clinic. After treatment, and Drew’s emancipation, their relationship improved but would continue to remain complicated and uncomfortably competitive. In 1995, Drew posed for Playboy; her mother followed suit eight months later.

Barrymore's struggles with substance abuse didn't end there. She confessed it was her talk show and her kids that ultimately led her to the decision to stop drinking. The Drew Barrymore Show is now in its third season. She says, "intimidating and terrifying and unfamiliar."

"I think the opportunity at a show like this really hit me," she said. "I was like, ‘I can’t handle this unless I’m in a really clear place.'"

Barrymore doesn’t call herself sober and she doesn’t work a program like Alcoholics Anonymous. She makes this clear because she doesn’t want people to think she’s “some perfect Puritan,” and because she feels that alcohol was her specific poison. “I kept thinking, ‘I’ll master this. I’ll figure it out.’ And finally, I just realized: ‘You’ve never mastered this, and you never will.’”