Q: Jonathan called The Cooper and Anthony Show. It seems he met a girl, a friend of a friend, who he spent the night chatting up and making out with. But, the next day she said she’s not into him! How could this be after a really good night together?
IT WAS THE “CLOSING TIME EFFECTS”
A: In the morning light she realized that she is not all that into you. That’s because, sometimes, late at night, people get what we psychologists have termed “closing time effects.”
That’s when someone seems more attractive at the end of the night, with fewer options around, and it happens because we have more behavioral freedom. Another term for you to learn. Sorry, forgot to warn you, we’re in teacher mode today.
Behavioral freedom is when- as the night wears on -you let your guard down and are more willing to do things you may have been on your guard about at the start of the evening. You now feel freer as you get more relaxed.
YOU’RE LIVING IN YOUR OWN PRIVATE FOMO
For some people, if they didn’t hook up by the end of the night it can be a knock to their self-esteem. They see themselves as players or at least someone who is really, really good at hooking up. This girl might be that, Jonathan. It’s like self-FOMO. It’s one of those things that in the moment it’s all about her conquest but in the light of day she’s not into you. It was never about you.
IF SHE’S NOT INTO ME, WHY TEXT?
Anyone who you hooked up with and then blew you off, especially when they hooked up for their own needs, their own tally card sees you as an easy mark. You’re someone she’ll keep on the bench for nights when she can’t bag big game or if she runs into you again. See it for what it is. An occasional, casual, situationship that will never be anything more.