Finding The Real Elvis Presley In Las Vegas
Elvis Presley was such a musical icon, that we still talk about him almost fifty years later. There are impersonators still making bank on the Strip and tons of movies that have become household staples.
So many people mourned his death. But not me, because here’s the thing. I don’t think he died. I don’t think the King really “took a dump” that fateful day in 1977.
It’s entirely possible, in my not-so-humble opinion, that Elvis is alive, well and having cocktails with Tupac Shakur. I mean, think about it: There are Elvis sightings all over the world, according to, Graceland.com. “Elvis” has been spotted at Raising Canes, Disneyland and even hiking in the Grand Canyon. Although, hiking? I don’t believe that one.
Related: The Fascinating Reason Las Vegas Is Called The Atomic City
Bottom line is Elvis Presley is still alive in some way, shape or form. To prove my point, I decided to find him, here in beautiful Sin City. Besides, since it was a Saturday, I’m not working. I’m flat broke and bored, so why not go on an adventure?
My Frist Stop On My Quest To Find Elvis Presley In Las Vegas
My First stop was 7-Eleven. No, not to find Elvis, but to get a beer then it was off to the Golden Steer. According to Circawanderlust.com, Elvis Presley was a mainstay at one of the most famous steakhouses in Vegas. And besides, if he was here, I could give him a ride back to his pad at Castlesands Way. He’ll need a ride since he’s auctioned off his Caddys and currently has his ‘76 up for sale.
Besides, I just can’t imagine Elvis getting an Uber. Dude probably has no idea how to work a smart phone (He is OLD AF ya know). Plus, he’d blow his cover. He can’t risk that.
Walking into Golden Steer, I was immediately transported to the Golden Age of Vegas, cigar smoke, the smell of old fashions and polyester suits. I asked the Maitre’d if he’s seen “You know who.” He looked blankly at me and pointed to the back of the bar. And that is when I heard the voice.
Being the stealthy and very thirsty detective that I am, I made my way to the bar. Luckily for me that’s where the singing was coming from. And lucky for me because after seeing this Elvis, I needed a stiff one.
First, there’s no way Elvis Presley is that skinny unless he went on the Jenny Crack diet. Besides, he was wearing the white jumper suit, which is not skinny Elvis’s attire. That’s fat Elvis’s wear. Does he think he’s fooling people? Oh, wait, that’s Andy Kauffman!!! Dammit!
Disgusted, I left the Golden Steer, (only after having a cocktail and Golden Steers’ incredibly delicious Caesars salad. I’m disgusted, not stupid).
Elvis Presley Maybe Hangs On Maryland Parkway In Las Vegas
Next, I decided to go over to the Huntridge Theater. I thought maybe Elvis Presley would want to remember the old days when he used to hang out there partying like a rock star. I was completely disappointed to see the Huntridge was closed. This historical venue was filled with so many memories. But, just like the King, this theater had taken a major poo poo. They say it’s being renovated, but alas no Elvis.
After some serious thought and a few more cocktails, I decided there’s only one place Elvis Presley would be. It’s where he made his comeback in 1969, and the place he dumped Priscilla — the Westgate Las Vegas Resort & Casino
Heartbreak Hotel
Even though the place looks like every other casino — with little old ladies glued to the slot machines and losing their social security checks faster than you can say “Medicare,” this place is different. This was Elvis’ home. I asked a cocktail waitress, after ordering another drink, if she’d seen the “man of the polyester white suit.” She just looked at me oddly and asked, “John Travolta?”
“No, Elvis.”
“Oh,” she said with a vacant look. “He’s outside.”
With renewed hope and a slight buzz, I ran as fast as I could. Why? Because the one thing I’ve noticed about Elvis Presley is that for a dude that eats banana and peanut butter sandwiches — like Jelly Roll attacking a Snickers bar — he sure is quick.
As I ran, ok, walked very fast, I thought of all the questions I had for Elvis: “Hey, dude, nice hair, but what’s with the suit?” and, “Hey, Big E, did you really die while pinching a loaf?”
I didn’t see Elvis as I bolted into the Vegas winter (yes it gets cold here), so I called out “Elvis, Oh Elvis, where are you?”
And it was at that moment I saw him, the man, the myth … the statue?! A statue?! And not only that, but this Elvis is a dead ringer for Peter Brady! Why would anyone want to honor Peter Brady? I mean if you’re going to immortalize a Brady with a statue, shouldn’t it be Greg? He’s the one who hooked up with his TV mom and his TV sister (legend)!
Return To Sender
Completely bummed out, I walked over to the 7-Eleven on the corner to get some more beer. Not only did I not find Elvis, but my buzz was wearing off as well. As I slapped the beer on the counter, I noticed the clerk had a name tag that read “Elvis.” My heart skipped a beat. Could it be? Did I finally find Elvis Presley in Las Vegas?
“Hey,” I said. “Are you Elvis Presley?”
“No,” he replied, “Elvis Costello.”
“Ohhhh you sang…” I said snapping my fingers trying to remember some old ’80s pop songs
“What’s so funny about Peace Love and Understanding?”
“No, Um. Oh!!! “I said with a lightbulb above my head “I got it! I got it! “Take On Me”!!!!”
He just looked at me and then turned away in disgust.
Blue Suede Shoes
I left the 7-Eleven and Grabbed an Uber. Maybe the King really is dead, I thought. But, as we drove to my place, and the driver pulled up to my house, I noticed something. He had beautiful sideburns, a fresh turned-up collar, and kicking’ blue-suede shoes.
“Those are some sweet kicks, sir,” I said.
“Thank you, thank you very much.“
