Grief Counseling Apps: Help When You Need It Most

Nowadays there's an app for everything. Everything from "How To Make Soup," to “Is It Dark Outside?” This app literally tells you if its dark outside. Apparently, it's great if you live in a cave. Ibeer? It fills your phone up like a beer glass and you can act like you're drinking. Alone and miserable. And there are even grief counseling apps now. This is the one I tried out. It's called "Grief Works: Self Care and Love."

Ok friend, normally I write quirky, funny (at least I think I'm funny) fodder about hot dogs, nuclear parties and Neil Diamond. But not this time. Today, I’m going to write about grief. Today, I’m going to write about my father dying. And there's nothing funny about it.

January 1st, 2024 around noon, my dad walked in a card room in Redding, California. He sat in seat seven at the poker and began playing a game called Big O. About 20 minutes into the game, he folded his hand.

Then he folded his life.

And from the moment I received word, even to sitting here now typing these words, my reaction to his death has been mind boggling. I’ve lost close people before, and I was devastated.

When my BFF of over 30 years died in 2013, I was unable to breathe most days because I was in so much despair. I cried every single day for a year.

However, my father's death has been vastly different. Most days, it's like it didn't happen. I move through the world unaffected. And I just don't understand it. I loved my dad. He was my hero. As a kid, I watched him put pepper on everything. So, I put pepper on everything. I watched him walk, and I walk just like him. He loved cars. Guess what? I love cars.

So, how can I possibly just act like it didn't happen? Why am I not on my knees crying all hours of the day? Am I dead inside? Cold-hearted? Abnormal? (OK, don't answer that). As it turns out, it's none of those things. Grief is weird. Grief is unique. Grief has no road map, which can make it incredibly difficult to navigate.

They say there are five stages of grief and loss. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. We may or may not experience all of them and we may not experience them in order. According to Cruse.org.uk, we may experience the stages out of order.

The article states, “You might hear people say things like ‘I’ve moved on from denial and now I think I’m entering the angry stage.'" But that might not be the way everyone experiences grief.

For instance, I feel like I’m perpetually living in the denial stage, but oddly enough I also feel like I’m in the acceptance stage -- all at the same time.

Because while I walk around seemingly unaffected, I am also so incredibly grateful and find peace in the fact that he didn't die some awful long drawn-out painful death. Besides, he died playing poker. That's the way to go, doing what you love. I can't be mad at that.

Having said that, I may have been mad for a brief second, but the anger stage passed quickly. Bargaining? Not my style unless I’m trying to get a deal on a blanket in México. But my constant state of denial is beginning to concern me and possibly inspire the other stage, depression.

So, when I heard that there were apps for grief counseling, I thought, "Why not?"  Maybe I can find likeminded people who are going through the same thing and find some sort of grounding in this very weird thing called grief.

I found an app called "Grief Works" by Julia Samuels, which also happens to be the name of her podcast. She has been a grief psychotherapist for over 25 years. So I thought "let's give her a shot." I downloaded the app, signed up and began my journey into healing. The app begins with positive thoughts to let you know you aren't weird or odd because you are struggling through this thing called grief.

First thing it has you do is set up "morning reflections" and "nighttime reflections." This is where you are asked questions like "What do you have to be grateful for today?" Which I know sounds cheesy, but in reality, it's a good question during this difficult time.

There are 28 short courses, so you can take in the therapy in bite size pieces. Julia is with you the whole way. Unlike grief itself, the app was easy to understand and to navigate.

There are probably other grief counseling apps that would be helpful, but I decided to stick with Julia. She knows what she's talking about and, quite frankly, it's cheaper than therapy. Even if you have insurance --free would be better, but nothing is free anymore. Well except grief, unfortunately.