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Valentine’s Day Gifts for The-Soon-To-Be Ex

By carlota

Valentine’s Day is around the corner, roses will be blooming, Chocolate will be a flowing, and love will be in the air.

However, this isn’t a cut-and-dry holiday. Not everyone is feeling all gushy about another human being on the actual date of Feb 14 . For some, they are just getting to know each other and are clueless about what makes the person tick. And that can be a tough road to navigate.

What should you buy them?

What kind of restaurant should you go to?

Nipple clamps or bullwhip?

These are fair questions and can be a real quandary for the newly in lust.

But, There Are Those Valentine’s Day Dates That Are . . . Not Happy

But there’s another group of people in a bind on this manufactured holiday. The poor souls that are ready to pull the plug on they’re not-so-significant other. You know, the ones who would rather it be D-Day not V-day.

We’ve all been there. You made the mistake of going out to the bar in late October, found yourself “dating” some girl or boy who you thought was the bees knees. But, with all of the holiday joy, and the endorphins from all the sex, you blew a bunch of money on them during Christmas. In fact, you took stocking stuffer to a whole new level. But, once the new year rolls around, you realize that dating this person isn’t going to work out.

So you realize that it’s time to break up, but you don’t want to be that jerk that dumps someone just before Cupid arrives. Oh man, you should of listened to your experienced “single friend” who told you to NEVER date ANYONE between the months of October and March.

But here you are. Stuck in bad relationship purgatory.

So, the question remains,

What In The World Do You Buy Someone You Are Ready To Kick To The Curb?

Well, don’t worry, friend. We’re here to help. Scroll down below for the best gifts to give your soon-to-be ex for this Valentine’s Day.

  • 5. Breath

    Ever dated someone with horrific breath? It’s no fun and no gum (because quite frankly, it doesn’t help). Big guns are required here. And since you plan on being gone before the can say “Halitosis,” I suggest giving them dental care or some sort of “bad breath” helper. I suggest giving them some TheraBreath, which is made by a dentist who developed a mouthwash formula that kills bad breathe germs in the mouth and throat, according to the product’s website.

  • 4. Just Sock it

    Yes, socks. This gift is for your soon-to-be ex, who wasn’t the nicest person. Maybe he treated the wait staff at restaurants like dirt, yelled at fellow drivers on the road and was just overall a nightmare. Get your lovely ex some socks because it’s truly the gift that screams, “I hate you.” Ok, maybe not to that extreme. But, socks are a mindless gift that doesn’t take much effort.

    FABDAZ Brand Ladies 'DON'T BE A TWATWAFFLE' Socks

    Brand New FABDAZ BRAND LADIES CREW SOCKS SHOE SIZE 5-10 Says 'DON'T BE A TWATWAFFLE' 80% Cotton, 15% Nylon, 5% Spandex *** A PORTION OF THE SALE OF THESE SOCKS GOES TO FIGHT CHILDHOOD CANCER ***

  • 3. A Decision Maker Tool

    Dating someone who can’t make up their mind on ANYTHING is super annoying. Every date night probably went like this:

    You: “Hey Babe, where to for dinner?”

    Them “I don’t care.”

    You “Ok, how about tacos?”

    Them “No.”

    You “Ok, how about Thai food?”

    Them “No “

    You “Well, you pick”

    Them “I don’t care.”

    You “How about a shooting range?”

    Ugh. Maybe this will help them in their future endeavors. Give them a decision-making tool to help them with their future relationship.

    Magic Ball Being Held by a Woman's Hands

    Magic Ball Being Held by a Woman’s Hands

  • 2. Tick Tock

    I dated someone who was ALWAYS late. The worst. I even began to tell them the party started at 4:30 in the afternoon, so we could make it by 8 p.m. Giving them a watch may be too much. It’s actually a good gift. So instead, give them an analog clock. That’s a gift that will make someone do a double take.

  • 1. Eat this

    This one needs no intro. You know exactly who its for. This is quite literally a bag of male anatomy gummies.

    Bag Of Dicks | Glitter Bombs & Anonymous Prank Mail | Ship Your Enemies Glitter

    Bag Of Dicks: SOFT, SWEET, & PLAYFULLY SHAPED | ✓ FREE SHIPPING | ✓ 100% ANONYMOUS | Triple The Dicks, Custom Messages, & Stickers!

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