Super Bowl is in the air here in Las Vegas. The parties. The media. The traffic. I’m excited about it though because my favorite team, the world-champion Kansas City Chiefs are taking on The San Francisco 49ers. They're playing in my backyard for the Lombardi trophy. This makes me so happy.
However, it doesn't make everyone happy.
Look, it's no secret: I am the loudest Chiefs fan in Las Vegas, and I have been for over 25 years. And I stayed true to the red and gold even after The Raiders moved here in 2020. Yes, a part of me wants "the silver and black" to do well. I can get behind them taking second place every year in the AFC West. I would love to see wild card games here. I’d even support the Chiefs and Raiders facing off every year in the AFC Championship. That would be amazing for the city of Las Vegas (As long as the Raiders lose every time)
Raider Fans In Agony Over Super Bowl
Having said that, I do have lots of Raider-fan friends who are in complete agony over this super game, and I recognize that. I am a Chiefs fan, but I have a heart (Sort of), therefore, I can empathize. Not only is their former Bay Area rival infiltrating their stadium. But, the Raider's most-hated team, their oldest rival and what people are calling the "new Patriots" are about to pee in the end zone. Excuse me, I meant have their logo painted on the field.
I mean that must be incredibly sickening -- brutal even. And I do truly love my friends from the Black Hole of life. So, I decided to exploit their pain... I mean check in with them. You know, to see how they're feeling,
And ask them one simple question:
What would you rather do or watch then the abomination of The World Champions Kansas City Chiefs Vs the San Francisco 49ers on Super Duper Sunday?
5. Listening to Yoko Ono Sing the National anthem.
OMG that's harsh! If Yoko did this, she’d probably make a quick ascent to the top of the worst Super Bowl National Anthem performances in history. It would be so bad, we probably would forget Charlie Pride's performance. Do you even know who Charlie Pride is? You don't? Exactly. That's exactly my point.
4. Count the Orange Cones in Las Vegas
Yeah, not only would counting the Nevada state flower be tedious, but it would also take forever. I would imagine you wouldn't be done until the Super Bowl makes its return to Sin City. Ok, maybe that's not realistic. It would take eternity. As many locals know, we are constantly in flux when it comes to traffic. We're always dealing and dodging traffic, so this would be a great way to ignore the Big Game.
nastenkapeka via Getty Images3.Castrating Cows with your teeth in South Dakota
OK, this is just weird. It's also illegal, folks, But some of my Raider friends actually said this is something they rather do than watch the game. They're crazy. But, are you surprised? They're Raider's fans, so we'll give them points for creativity.
Below is a video that shows why cow castrating gets done (it's not too graphic.) And there are no teeth involved, but you get the idea.
2 C-Span on Loop.
Oh jeez. Do I even need to explain why this would be like punching yourself in the face over and over again? Talk about sadistic. This Primary is Tuesday, so this may be beneficial anyways. But, watching C-Span is like watching grass grow except at least grass is good for the environment and doesn't start wars.
1. Naked Mud Wrestling: Biden vs. Trump
No way! This is vile. It's so disgusting merely typing this makes me want to vomit. It's ALMOST as awful as if they were going to run against each other for president. AGAIN. Oh...wait.... Someone hand me a bucket. President Joe Biden has actually rambled on the possibility of doing this. But, thank god he actually squashed this idea by saying, "What may disappoint you, I'm not going to get down in the mud wrestling with him."
Good because I'm not down with it, either.
