The Oakland A’s Should Rebrand, And Here’s What We Could Call Them
Baseball season is here! The crack of the bat, the smell of hot dogs with bad beer…and Vegas Showgirls? Before now, baseball season in Sin City meant allergies, half-naked drunk tourists and boring sports bets (football is way more fun to bet on). However, things are a changing.
The Oakland A’s are making their way to Vegas. But they might need an image makeover to keep up with Sin City.
The Oakland A’s Shouldn’t Be The Las Vegas A’s
Recently, nbcsportsbayarea.com released the first renderings of the new stadium. And I must admit, I love the design. It’s unique, exciting and, quite frankly, it’s high time we had a La Concha Resort in this city.
Seriously, though, with the stadium’s new look, should the team keep the branding? According to FanNation, the answer is no. They suggested that if the A’s rebranded, it would give the A’s image a fresh coat of paint.
And they might be right. But what should that coat be? What should, we, Las Vegas, call the new ballclub? I have ideas…
Vegas-Worthy Names For The Oakland A’s
Sure, we could be The Las Vegas Sinners, Gamblers or LV Strippers…(what? I meant as in “LV Strip”. Get your head out of the gutter). But names like that are too easy and boring, quite frankly. And does it truly represent the city? No.
I want to be thoughtful when it comes to such a major name change. And I, of course, want to represent Vegas in the most meaningful, transparent and super crass…I mean honest… way.
Let’s start with The Vegas Rhinitis. Named after the crap the desert air does to our allergies.
I mean, if you live in Vegas, then you have allergies. Even if you didn’t have them before moving to this fine city, like me. Pre-Vegas, I thought allergies were a lame excuse for crying, calling out sick and blowing boogers on your neighbors.
Now? I own stock in bee pollen, Claritin and Kleenex. Besides, we could use that cute emoji of the little face blowing its nose. Those are fun.
Related: Spring Cleaning-Good For The Soul, Bad For The Mustard
Another option could be the LV Tour Guides. Because, when you live here, that’s exactly what you are. Before I moved to Vegas, I was the red-headed stepchild in my family. NO ONE CARED. But the moment I moved to Sin City? I had arrived, and so did everyone else I knew.
I was getting Christmas cards and beef baskets from everyone with my last name. At one point, I had more visitors than Graceland in August. So much so, I briefly considered buying property near, or right on, the tarmac at Harry Reid Airport.
If you live in Vegas, you’ve also lived the life of “and on the right we have two incredibly wasted Elvis’ duking it out with each other… and on the left, we have The Bellagio.”
I do like those two name options. But I’ve got to say, I think what would best represent Las Vegas is The Las Vegas Pimps. Oh, come on, it’s the most honest and colorful option.
Imagine the mascot. Think Snoop Dogg playing Huggy Bear from The Starsky and Hutch movie. Lavender three-piece suit. A b——‘ hat with a purple brim and a mink more colorful than the Las Vegas Strip at night.
You laugh now, but it can’t be worse than the Green Bay Packers. They were named after a meat-packing plant, according to mandatory.com. Would the Oakland A’s rebranding to the Las Vegas Pimps be so much worse than that?
No. Besides, a feather in a baseball cap might just become a fashion trend.
