Top 5 Reasons To Never Live In Australia
You may know me as someone who is completely fearless, and while that might be true – It’s not! I will tell you what scares the hell out of me; it’s the country, Australia.
Think about it, that place has more crazy stories coming out of there of people dying from spider attacks, snakes and animals with cute names. Take the mascot, the Kangaroo, which is far from adorable in personality. Let’s hop into the list of horror shall we, here is number five.
Ghost Lights In The Outback
Yeah, apparently there’s ghost lights in the outback that Chase people, according to Australian tour company, AdventureTours.com.au. Are you kidding me? I don’t like to run for fun, much less for my life. Plus, I’ve lived in a haunted house. I don’t need to go anywhere where there’s ghosts messing with people’s heads. Besides, I can’t be chased by the paranormal with nothing better to do. I have bad knees.
Kangaroos
Sorry, but these dudes are just not cute. I love all animals, but they look like a freaky Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson ready to kick your behind and put your dog in a headlock. The baby Kangaroos are called, Joey? Sounds like a street boss for a crime syndicate. No thank you.
Spiders, Spiders Everywhere You Look
These creepy crawling menaces are EVERYWHERE, and they are HUGE! According to SmithosianMag.com, the biggest one comes in at 3.11 inches. This crawler is so big they named it Hercules. Are you serious? Hercules? I can barely watch a movie with a spider in it, much less see them hanging out in my house. Spiders seem to feel like they own the place making themselves feel at home on, my couch, eating Cheetos and my dog. Did I mention he’s bigger than a baseball? Strike three! I’m out.
Snakes, Upon Snakes And Then Some More Snakes
There are more snakes than people in Australia! Okay, that might be a fact I just made up, but bottom line is there’s just too many. Au.News.Yahoo.com reports, two snakes doing the dirty deed, a.k.a. making more snakes behind your microwave? Not only am I out if I witnessed that but I’m out of the country forever. I would never own a microwave again, or a house. Screw it. The Amish lifestyle may my new lifestyle.
Thong throwing
Seriously? You mean to tell me while you’re dodging Aggro Caspers, Herculean spiders and horny snakes and you have to also avoid flying underwear? Probably dirty underwear too. No thanks! Did you know that thongs aren’t underwear, it’s footwear in Australia. They call footwear THONGs, according to this Australian author from Melarowe.com! Weird. Well, never mind. I guess this is the top four reasons to never live in Australia.