How To Get Your Spouse To Do Butt Stuff
Q: Brian has been married for 28 years. He has an issue he was hoping Dr. Cooper from The Cooper and Anthony Show could help him with. He likes anal. However, he has always been ashamed of it and hasn’t asked for what he wants. He finally asked his wife to do butt stuff on him and he on her but she is not interested. Instead, she told him to use toys while they have sex and she’d be ok with that. He says that he is entitled to enjoy sex as he likes it and wants to know how to talk to her about all things anal.
A: Bravo, Brian! It’s great that you’re not anal shaming yourself anymore and that you are embracing your desires. What you need to acknowledge is that when it comes to anal, it can be a hard no from a lot of women because it’s either too painful or feels unclean or they had a bad experience with it in the past.
But you’re right, you are entitled to your desires so, I would start with my go to suggestion which is to grab a book from sex researcher and author Tristan Taormino – THE ULTIMATE GUIDE TO ANAL SEX FOR WOMEN. In this book, Taormino starts right out with all the myths surrounding anal sex like the pain and the dirtyness versus what is really true about anal sex.
For example, it isn’t painful if the person is relaxed and you guys use a ton of lube. As far as the uncleanliness aspect, the book explains the anatomy and how the parts anyone would be concerned with are so far away from the parts involved in sex. Most importantly, the butt is a huge erogenous zone. There are as many nerve endings there as there are in a penis.
So, if you want her to touch your bum, or if you want to touch her bum, I say start with some facts because the myths about anal sex are what take it off the menu, when it actually could be something you both really enjoy. After 28 years, you can feel comfortable asking for what you want, but you also have to respect her if she still says no.