11 Steps To Take If You Catch Your Teen Watching Porn
Q: George has a 15 year old grandson who he’s helping his daughter raise since the father is out of the picture. He found the teen watching porn. George said he understands what it’s like being a teen boy and that he nearly wore the skin off his own wiener when he was that age. His only problem is that a lot of porn these days is jaded and weird and not healthy. He asked Cooper and Anthony, how does he handle this?
A: The best thing you can do for your grandson is to teach him about ethical porn that is both inclusive and empowering and focuses on consent. The main reason we say this is because at 15, he’s going to find a wank bank somewhere, so, you want to make sure you are teaching him that with ethical porn, the women there have consented to being there. It’s not one of these sites where someone was drugged or is there unknowingly or against their will while some guy or some company makes money off of their image without their consent.
It’s Never Too Soon To Learn About Consent
There’s no such thing as too young to learn about consent. You can start the conversation in relation to porn and then explain in an age appropriate way that nobody should ever be coerced into doing anything against their will sexually and that includes him…..If he feels uncomfortable, its ok to say no.
What To Do If You Catch Your Teen Watching Porn
Discovering that your teenager has been watching pornography can be a sensitive and challenging situation to handle. Here are some steps to consider:
- Stay Calm: It’s important to approach the situation with understanding and empathy. Remember that exploring sexuality is a natural part of growing up, and many teenagers will encounter pornography at some point.
- Privacy and Respect: Respect your teen’s privacy. While it’s necessary to address the situation, avoid shaming or embarrassing them. Keep the conversation private and make sure they feel comfortable discussing it.
- Choose the Right Time and Place: Find a suitable time when you can have an open and private conversation without distractions or interruptions.
- Initiate an Open Conversation: Approach your teenager in a non-confrontational manner. Use “I” statements to express your concerns without blaming or accusing. For instance, you can say, “I noticed some websites on the computer history and I’d like to talk about it.”
- Listen and Ask Questions: Allow your teen to share their perspective. Ask open-ended questions to understand why they were viewing pornography, what they think about it, and how it makes them feel. This can help you gauge their understanding and feelings.
- Educate: Provide accurate information about healthy relationships, consent, and realistic expectations regarding sexuality. Explain the difference between pornography and real-life relationships.
- Address Misconceptions: Pornography doesn’t accurately depict real relationships or sex. Discuss the differences between fantasy and reality and how media can distort perceptions.
- Internet Safety: If the access to explicit content is a concern, discuss ways to ensure responsible internet use. You might consider setting up parental controls or discussing safe browsing habits.
- Emphasize Respect and Boundaries: Talk about the importance of respecting oneself and others. Discuss boundaries, consent, and the difference between consensual adult content and non-consensual or harmful material.
- Media Literacy: Teach your teen critical media literacy skills. Help them understand how media can shape perceptions and encourage them to think critically about the messages they receive.
- Healthy Relationships: Use this opportunity to discuss healthy relationships, communication, and emotional well-being. This conversation can extend beyond just the topic of pornography.
Let your teenager know that you are there to support them and answer their questions. Keep the lines of communication open for future discussions.
Remember that your response can influence your teen’s attitude towards sexuality, relationships, and communication. By approaching the situation with empathy, understanding, and open communication, you can create an environment where your teenager feels comfortable discussing these important topics with you.
