Help! We Caught Our 14 Year Old Using Our Sex Toys
Q: We had quite the convo this week on The Cooper and Anthony Show . You can listen to it (above) but Brad told us he and his wife caught their 14 yo daughter using his wife’s sex toys! They asked if it was time to get her her own toy and if so how and where, or do they ignore it? Basically, how should parents handle a situation like this when they want to be open and sex positive?
A: Dr. Cooper told him, You may need to have the second half of the sex talk with your daughter. I’m sure you told her about the birds and the bees but you need to talk to her about healthy feelings and her own body. Talk to her in a matter of fact, calm, everyone does it- no big deal- kind of way. Explain to her that her feelings are normal, and then get into the science of it to make it less awkward. Explain that orgasms relieve stress and lessen feelings of depression because they send the good hormones, like oxytocin and dopamine to the brain.
BRING SCIENCE INTO THE CONVERSATION
You can even tell her that understanding her body is ultimately also a feminist thing to do. That’s because when she gets older she will see that boys have more orgasms than girls do. It’s what psychologists call, “the orgasm gap“. She wants to avoid that by getting comfortable with her body now. It says that typically only 30% to 60% of women reach orgasm during hetero sex in contrast to 70% to 100% of men. Know that conversations like this mean she will talk to you about sex when she gets older.
SHE WILL USE WHAT’S AROUND THE HOUSE AND THAT’S NOT GOOD
Tell your daughter that if she wants to go online and buy something for herself she can have your credit card. If she wants to go in person she will need an adult with her. But doing something is essential because, as a former 14 year old, girl I can tell you, she will find unsafe things to use that could damage her and injure her, possibly irreparably.
Then tell your wife has to hide her sex toys better.