Some Women Have An Unexpected Issue With BDSM
Wendy called Dr. Cooper because she wants to try bondage but she can’t reconcile her identity as a feminist with BDSM. She wanted to know how can she be ok with it if intellectually she objects to being tied up?
The most important thing before we get into the details is: You should know that within BDSM communities, it’s the submissives who are the real dominants because they have the ultimate control over the situation. they decide when to go and stop with a safe word.
WHAT’S THE CONTROVERSY?
This is a big area of controversy among feminists that the idea of being tied up or spanked is the ultimate betrayal of feminism because it mimics men wanting to control women and why would you CHOOSE to do that in your own bedroom.
But that’s the actual point. It is your choice. You discuss with your partner whats ok and what’s not ok, you have a safe word or an action that means stop and you control the entire sexual experience narrative as opposed to mocking abuse where you don’t give consent and you are not in control. This isn’t that
This is a fetish like any other and should be looked at as something you enjoy doing or something you enjoy being done to you that you are fully participating in and its not different than if you were into foot worship
HERE’S MORE
Feminism is a movement that aims to promote gender equality and fight against discrimination based on gender. Feminists believe in the fundamental right of every individual, regardless of gender, to be treated with respect, dignity, and equality. BDSM, on the other hand, refers to a variety of consensual sexual practices that involve the exchange of power and control between individuals.
BDSM VS. FEMINISM?
At first glance, it may seem contradictory to be a feminist and also be into BDSM. However, feminism is not about dictating how individuals should express their sexuality. Rather, it’s about promoting the idea that all individuals have the right to make choices about their own bodies and sexual lives. As long as BDSM is practiced consensually between adults and with respect for each other’s boundaries, it can be a valid expression of sexuality that is compatible with feminist beliefs.
One way to reconcile feminism and BDSM is to view BDSM as a way of challenging traditional gender roles and power structures. BDSM can provide an opportunity for individuals to explore power dynamics and subvert the dominant/submissive binary that is often present in patriarchal societies. BDSM practitioners often negotiate their roles and boundaries beforehand, which can promote open communication and mutual respect. This type of negotiation is also a way to challenge the idea that men are always dominant and women are always submissive in sexual situations.
ACTUALLY, YOU ARE IN CONTROL
BDSM can be a way for individuals to reclaim agency and control over their bodies. In a society that often seeks to control women’s bodies, engaging in consensual BDSM can be a way to assert agency and challenge those power dynamics. BDSM can also be empowering for women who may feel pressured to conform to traditional gender roles in their daily lives. By exploring and accepting their sexuality on their own terms, women can assert their right to control their own bodies and desires.
Ultimately, being a feminist and into BDSM is not a contradiction. It’s possible to believe in gender equality and also enjoy consensual BDSM. As long as individuals engage in BDSM in a safe, consensual, and respectful way, it can be a valid expression of sexuality that is compatible with feminist beliefs.
HOMEWORK ASSIGNMENT
Dr. Cooper suggests reading Clarisse Thorn’s The S&M Feminist, or a slew of other feminist writers who specifically write about BDSM and this very issue.
