People With Alternative Sex Lives Have Stricter Rules Than The Rest Of Us
During pride month we thought it would be fun to learn more about alternative lifestyles.
Q: Caller Jeff is polyamorous with two partners for many years. An old flame got back in touch and wanted to get something going but she is in a four year monogamous relationship. What should he do?
A: Our Dr. Cooper explained that one of the tenets of being poly is that everything is above board and everything is done ethically and with consent so if you’re going to engage in someone else’s deception- if you are the person she will be cheating on her partner with when they don’t have an understanding- you’re being a hypocrite.
Its going to be better for you in the long run if she sorts out her deal with her boyfriend of four years. Are they opening their relationship or are they ending it? Either way you should wait until she knows what’s what.
Normally I would say she’s an adult and its not up to you to police her relationship, but since you are in a poly relationship, the rules are different for you.
Polyamory, for those who don’t know, is a relationship style that allows for multiple consensual and simultaneous romantic connections, often entails a unique set of rules and guidelines that differ from those found in traditional monogamous relationships. While it is essential to recognize that polyamory is a diverse and fluid concept with no fixed rules, some common factors contribute to the perception that the rules for polyamory can be stricter than those in conventional relationships.
WHY IT’S STRICTER
One key reason for the perceived strictness of polyamorous rules is the emphasis on communication and consent. In polyamory, all parties involved must engage in ongoing, open, and honest communication to ensure that everyone’s needs, desires, and boundaries are acknowledged and respected. This continuous dialogue serves as the foundation for maintaining emotional well-being and relationship harmony within a complex network of connections.
THE TIME MANAGEMENT ISSUE
Another factor is the need for extensive negotiation and agreement on various aspects of polyamorous relationships. In monogamous relationships, societal norms often provide a framework that guides expectations, such as fidelity and exclusivity. In contrast, polyamory necessitates explicit discussions and agreements on topics like hierarchy, time management, sexual health protocols, and the level of involvement allowed with additional partners. These negotiations can be time-consuming and require careful consideration of each individual’s feelings and desires, leading to more stringent rules.
Moreover, the complexity of polyamorous relationships necessitates a greater level of self-awareness and emotional maturity. Each person must navigate their own insecurities, jealousy, and personal boundaries while simultaneously supporting their partners in doing the same. This level of introspection and self-growth can result in the establishment of more defined boundaries and rules to ensure the emotional well-being of all involved.
THE UNIQUE NATURE OF POLY PEOPLE
It is crucial to recognize that while polyamorous relationships may have stricter rules, these rules are not inherently negative or oppressive. Rather, they are a product of the unique challenges and dynamics presented by multiple simultaneous romantic connections. The increased level of communication, negotiation, and self-awareness in polyamory fosters an environment of trust, transparency, and personal growth.
So, the perceived strictness of rules in polyamorous relationships stems from the emphasis on communication, negotiation, and emotional growth. While these rules may differ from those in traditional relationships, they are designed to foster healthy, consensual, and fulfilling connections among multiple partners. Ultimately, the rules in any relationship—monogamous or polyamorous—should prioritize the well-being and happiness of all involved parties.