Am I Asexual?
Q: Kenzie called The Cooper and Anthony Show because she was wondering if she was asexual. She has no sex drive, she doesn’t have crushes on boys or girls, but she does masturbate occasionally. She takes hormonal birth control for her period and wondered if maybe that’s the cause of her nonexistent libido. She thinks she would like to get married and have kids one day, but how can she do that if she’s asexual?
Our Dr. Cooper told her that according to the Asexual Visibility and Education Network a person is asexual when they “do not experience sexual attraction or an intrinsic desire to have sexual relationships.”
If that sounds like you, you’re not alone. 1% of the population identifies as asexual today, that’s over 3 million people in the US right now! Asexual people get married and have children all the time. Relationships aren’t based solely on sex and as Anthony says, wedding cake causes sex to stop anyway.
Could it be your birth control? Mayyyybeee?? Hormonal birth control can contribute to decreased libido, sure but you’re young and your libido should be revved somewhat, but you have zero. That’s ok and that’s normal for you.
Listen, you may end up in a relationship with someone you love, if you so choose, and you may decide to have sex with your partner to please them.
Everyone’s experiences with their sexuality are unique, and it’s okay to question and explore your own feelings. Labels like asexual can provide a sense of understanding and community, but ultimately, it’s up to you to define your own identity based on your personal experiences and feelings. All of which can change, stay the same, or change again.
The main thing is, there isn’t an “asexuals like X or they don’t like Y” asexuality is very individual and it will be up to you how you decide to experience relationships.
Discovering and understanding one’s sexual orientation, including asexuality, is a personal and introspective process. If you’re questioning whether you might be asexual, here are SIX common experiences and reflections that asexual people often have:
- Lack of Sexual Attraction: Asexual individuals typically do not experience sexual attraction towards others. While they can still form emotional and romantic connections, the desire for sexual activity or experiencing sexual attraction may be absent.
- Absence of Sexual Fantasies: If you rarely or never have sexual fantasies or find them uninteresting, it might be an indication of asexuality.
- Emotional Connections: Asexual individuals might prioritize emotional intimacy and forming deep connections with others may be preferred over sexual intimacy. They may feel more drawn to romantic, platonic, or other non-sexual relationships.
- Disinterest in Pursuing Sex: You may find that you’re not actively seeking out sexual experiences or you may feel indifferent toward engaging in sexual activities. This disinterest can manifest as a lack of curiosity or desire in exploring sexual encounters.
- Self-Reflection: Take some time to reflect on your own experiences, feelings, and thoughts regarding sexual attraction and sexual activity. Consider if you’ve noticed patterns of disinterest or lack of attraction throughout your life or if these feelings have become more apparent recently.
- Research and Community: Educate yourself about asexuality and connect with the asexual community. Reading about the experiences of others who identify as asexual can provide insights and help you relate to different aspects of asexuality.
