Dumping A Narcisist
Q: Noah’s been with a woman several years and they have a kid. He called The Cooper and Anthony Show to ask how to handle an issue. His wife is a narcissist. She’s mean, but he can’t leave because the kid is what is holding him there. He doesn’t want to abandon his kid. Does he try counseling? Does he dump her? Is there hope?
A: Sure, you can try counseling but the thing about narcissists is that they tend not to be great partners and they don’t change with therapy unless they really really want to. This is something your wife was born with, like a birthmark or brown hair. It’s not something easily changeable. The environment she grew up in made it worse, but change is hard for them unless they’re really into it.
If she thinks she will lose you then maybe its worth trying. The problem is it sounds like you’re already emotionally not on board. You have to also want to make the relationship work. Saving your marriage because you love her and want to save it is one thing but saving your marriage just for your kid is a huge mistake.
Don’t Stay Just For The Kids
There is a great deal of research on this very topic from the kids perspective. It is super unhealthy for kids to live in a war zone. Staying together for the kid when the environment you’re creating is a bad one is WAY worse for your kid than you leaving.
In fact, you leaving shows that you have self-worth, that you will not be bullied by a narcissist and that you can find happiness and thrive all by yourself. That’s a great lesson for kids and you’d be role modeling some real strength.
You’ve heard the expression, its better to be FROM a broken home than to live in one? That is true.
Being With A Narcissist
As far as being in a relationship with a true narcissist, you will never be able to make her happy, you will always fall short because her expectations of you are probably super unrealistic which is why she is mean when you fall short.
Narcissists will never fully reciprocate, both emotionally and sexually. They have trouble seeing their partner’s point of view, thinking of their needs, making compromises, and they cannot control strong feelings so when you tell her you’re out, you’re going to get rage. Be prepared. The best way to diffuse that rage is to have specific examples of times she’s been mean or abusive. You can use that list in therapy or you can use it in divorce court.
Warning Signs You’re Dating a Narcissist
Narcissists are often skilled at being charming and seducing their partners. In the beginning, they may shower you with compliments, gifts, and attention, making you feel special and desired. But it’s a manipulative tactic to gain control and exploit your emotions. Narcissists prioritize their own needs, desires, and accomplishments above all else. They may constantly seek attention, talk excessively about themselves, and show little interest in your thoughts or feelings. Your needs and emotions may be disregarded or dismissed.
Why? No empathy. Empathy is a crucial aspect of healthy relationships, but narcissists struggle to genuinely understand or care about others’ emotions. They also ouse manipulation tactics to control you. They are skilled at gaslighting, where they distort your perception of reality, making you doubt yourself and your experiences.
Narcissists have an insatiable need for external validation and admiration. They may seek constant praise, attention, and reassurance from you and others. They also struggle to take responsibility for their actions. They may deflect blame onto others, make excuses, or deny any wrongdoing. Apologies from a narcissist are often insincere or manipulative.
Be prepared for an emotional rollercoaster. They may oscillate between idealizing and devaluing you, which is known as the narcissistic cycle of abuse. It’s important to note that not all self-centered or manipulative individuals are narcissists.
Only around 4% of the population are diagnosable as having Narcissistic Personality Disorder. But, if you find yourself consistently experiencing what we told you just now, it may be worth seeking support or getting the hell out, for your well-being.
