How To Get Kinky Without Going Too Far
Q: Paul and his girlfriend are open about sex. They want to get kinky but when they do, he cant find the middle ground. He goes too far, and gets too rough too fast. How can he find the middle ground and have a healthy kink relationship with his girl? The Cooper and Anthony Show is here to help.
A: People think kink is something you just do. Movies like 50 Shades of Gray messed it up making people think you just grab a ball gag and some rope and spank the heck out of her butt and there you are. This is like thinking you can fly a plane because you can drive a car. A lot more is involved and you have to take the time to learn.
STEP ONE
Like, what’s her pain threshold? What’s your safe word? What type of kink do you like, does she like? There is a lot more involved. People take things too far too fast because they have an idea what kinky means but they just really want to do it- We’re happy you’re enthusiastic but you need to educate yourself on the kink community and kink rules to be safe but also have fun.
First find out what type of kink you are both into. Bondage? Dominance? Voyeurism? Role play? See what we mean. Its more than just tying someone up – does she want you to do it sensually and slow or rough and ready? How do you know if you don’t ask? Kink is a conversation. You have to talk about it, you can’t just do it. What are you each into? Is it the same thing or different things?
STEP TWO
I would suggest starting at a sex shop and checking stuff out in person or going online and looking at some toys, see if you both dig any of those.
STEP THREE
Then when you’re into it, each thing you do check in. Like, if you’re gonna start with some light bondage, how’s that, are the scarves or ropes too tight? Am I doing X too hard, …take your time.
STEP FOUR
In the kink community, aftercare is part of it too, so it’s a conversation with a beginning, (what do you like), middle, (how’s this?) And after, take the ropes off, (how ya feeling?) Eventually you’ll be in a rhythm but you have to get there.
SOME MORE TIPS
When exploring a kink relationship, it’s important to prioritize communication, consent, and establishing boundaries. Here are some steps to help you so that you don’t go too far:
- Spend some time understanding your own desires, interests, and limits. This self-awareness will help you communicate effectively with your potential partner.
- Learn about the specific kinks or activities you are interested in. Understand the risks, safety precautions, and ways to engage in them responsibly.
- Initiate an open and honest conversation with your partner about your interests and desires. Discuss what you both are comfortable exploring and establish clear boundaries. This can be an ongoing conversation as you both learn and grow together.
- Start slowly. Begin with activities that are less intense and gradually explore more as you build trust and comfort. Take small steps to ensure that you’re both enjoying the experience and are within your boundaries.
- Negotiate scenes. Before engaging in any specific kink activities, negotiate the terms of the scene with your partner. Discuss limits, safe words, aftercare, and any other important aspects to ensure a consensual and enjoyable experience.
- Educate yourselves on safety. Prioritize safety in all aspects of your kink relationship. Learn about safe practices, use proper equipment, and understand the potential risks and precautions involved in each activity.
- Regular check-ins. Continuously communicate with your partner to assess your satisfaction, comfort levels, and any potential concerns. Regularly review and update your boundaries and explore new activities within agreed-upon limits.
